K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
