when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Floor bacon is actually really good
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
