thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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