god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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