Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
