If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize