It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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