some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
