WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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