meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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