Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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