Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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