# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
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