O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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