Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
