I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
