Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
