Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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