I'm eating all of the evidence.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize