And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize