theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
