There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
