farters have to be the big spoon...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
