she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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