we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Two words: blizzard sex
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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