I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
