I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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