I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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