i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
