I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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