Im at strip club and am horny
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
