12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
