Did you just see the Batmobile???
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize