My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
