Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
