the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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