Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
