You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
