the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
