Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
