I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
