it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize