And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
