On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
