You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
