chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
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