is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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