Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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