Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
