Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. đź’€
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
