I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
