I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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