My room smells like vodka and shame
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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