You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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