I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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