I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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