the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
you made out with another girl for some wings
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
