So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
