Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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