So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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