she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
