Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
