around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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