Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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