Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
