Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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