The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
