I am in a vortex of obligation.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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