Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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