with your own penis?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
