it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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