Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize