I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
