Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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