Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
