WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
