Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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