I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
