I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize