WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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