I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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