My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
