I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
