Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize