i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
