Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
