Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
