I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize