He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
