Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
