Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
