your room smells of hookers.
And success
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
