I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
