I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
