You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
