Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
