hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize