What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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