I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
