dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
