God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize