I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
