someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
