I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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