if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
