she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
