So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize