you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
